Christian Mingle Survey: 61% of Christians singles are willing to have casual sex

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Christian Dating Culture: Majority of Christian Singles Reject Idea of Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex

By Morgan Lee | Christianpost.com

christian-dating-ios-app.png?w=262A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent Christian Mingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married.

In an interview with The Christian Post, two Christian Millennials share their diverse stories on faith, sex and marriage, and explain why many singles are battling against the “purity culture” of their youth.

When Heather Lindsey moved to New York City in 2004 at the age of 22, the Michigan native both attended church regularly and considered herself a Christian.

While Lindsey grew up in the church, she said it rarely emphasized reading the Bible or one’s relationship with God. As an adolescent, her mother’s only sex-ed advice was to use birth control when she became sexually active. But while in college, Lindsey “gave her heart to Christ.” There, for the first time, she became convicted that premarital sex is wrong.

But despite this realization, after Lindsey moved to New York, she did not abide by this new sexual ethic. Instead, she entered and exited relationships frequently, often sleeping with the men she was dating.

“Even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to have sex outside of marriage,” Lindsey told The Christian Post. “Why? Because when you’re single you don’t want to be lonely.”

“I was the girl that broke up with one boyfriend and had another one on speed-dial—that afternoon I’d already be going out with somebody else. I kept a boyfriend because I liked the attention,” she continued.

For Lindsey, her behavior was not simply a result of her conforming to the sexual values of her non-Christian peers. Instead, she had friends from church with similar sexual ethics and even dated and became sexually involved with a man who was serving at the same church that she was.

“We all went to the church. We were hypocrites. We said we loved the Lord but we ignored the scriptures that said that fornication is a sin,” said Lindsey.

Lindsey eventually cut off all people that had been a part of that lifestyle. Several years ago she got married and moved to Atlanta, where, now 31, she is the founder and CEO of Pinky Promise, an organization that encourages single and married women to “rise above cultural pressures and to “stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances.”

Only 11 percent of Christians are waiting until marriage before having sex

While Christians may see Lindsey’s premarital sexual behavior as typical for that outside their faith, a new Christian Mingle study suggests that it is increasingly commonplace for Christians to sleep together outside of a marital context.

In a survey of 716 Christians released in January, only 11 percent said they save sex exclusively for marriage. Instead, 60 percent said they would be willing to have sex without any strings attached, while 23 percent said they would have to be “in love.” Five percent said they would wait to get engaged.

This data supports a 2011 Relevant Magazine poll that revealed that 80 percent of “young, unmarried Christians have had sex” and that “two-thirds have been sexually active in the last year.”

While the findings of a 2012 National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) and Grey Matter Research poll did not show outcomes as high as the two previous polls, according to its research, 44 percent of unmarried evangelicals between ages 18-29 said that they had sex, including 25 percent who said they had had sex in the last three months.

Battling against the “purity culture”

Emily Maynard, 28, a writer from Portland, Ore., has witnessed many of her friends rejecting abstinence, in what she interprets as them pushing back against the “purity culture,” or the conservative sexual and dating norms with which they were raised.

“It’s a family, church and social system that favors the idea of courtship. There were phrases like ‘Don’t date unless you’re ready to get married’ or at the age where you can support yourself on your own. Or ‘Guard your heart, particularly as a woman.’ I was told that even crushes were giving away a piece of myself,” Maynard told CP.

Maynard said that as her and her peers grew up, many of them became “jaded” with their childhood values and consequently chose to make decisions contrary to those espoused by the purity culture.

“We were raised with the idea that says, ‘Wait for God to bring you the one.’ And ‘Don’t wait around, don’t sleep around, and you’ll kind-of get this reward,'” said Maynard.

“I think a lot of people who are dating in the Christian world, say late 20s, early 30s, they did ‘the right thing.’ They followed the system. They waited until they got married to have sex and their marriage fell apart by the time they were 25. I think there are a lot of people entering the dating world who are jaded with what a lot of churches and purity culture promises you,” she added.

While the backlash might be true for some subsets of evangelicals, according to the NAE poll, most Christians attributed their sexual activity to culture, followed by lacking a strong biblical foundation and “living in the moment.”

The Church is following secular culture opposed to leading by example

Lisa Anderson, who is the director of Boundless, Focus on the Family’s singles and young adults ministries, said that she was not surprised at Christians’ high tolerance for premarital sex.

“Generally, if you look at the dating landscape in the church today, it looks very similar to that of the world. There’s not a lot of distinction in the way people date [or] in the attitude toward dating and marriage,” Anderson told CP.

While “sex may be the determining factor” for some Christians “we’re even seeing that line blurred,” said Anderson.

“And in every other respect, we’re generally seeing the same kind of attitudes and practices,” said Anderson, listing “dating ad nauseum, dating indefinitely, dating someone without any specific game plan, and dating recreationally without a view toward marriage,” as examples of ways that the Church has adopted the patterns of the larger secular culture.

“For the Christian culture it’s extremely frustrating, because they are trying to go after something lasting, but they’re using the same formula to get something that’s just not going to get them there,” said Anderson.

 

Series continued  PART 2 |  PART 3

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23 Comments on “Christian Mingle Survey: 61% of Christians singles are willing to have casual sex”

  1. rebecca

    I am so glad I came across this!!! God really does answer ones prayers!!! Try telling someone that they are going against what the word says by living and sleeping with someone unmarried and they’ll pull out the you not perfect either card! The world has made it seem like its impossible or unrealistic to wait for marriage, they live on a ” dog eat dog” rule even when it comes to relationships. Mentioning marriage even on a first date is considered insane and a desperate attempt. I hope this allows many to look into the authenticity of their beliefs.

  2. Tala

    This is EXACTLY the story I have been waiting for EXministries to post!! First off the clip of “Power of One” was perfect and complete truth. As a single christian I too struggled with fornication. I would say with my mouth I wanted to stop, but in my heart I felt like if I did, I’d lose my relationship (which I wasn’t willing to do). Sooo I went along to get along. As sad as it was I went against what God said until he caused the relationship to fall apart anyway. When it did, he began to show me that what I was really doing in fornication was idolatry. Because I chose to put the relationship with a man before him(God), I’d made that man my god. When he opened my eyes to this simultaneously he took me to his word and showed me the consequences of a fornicator. 1 Corinthians 6:9-Know ye not that the unrighteous SHALL NOT inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived;NEITHER fornicators,nor idolaters,nor adulterers,nor effeminate,nor abusers of themselves with mankind.
    If that isn’t as plain as the nose on your face, I don’t know what is! FORNICATORS WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD. There are only 2 kingdoms in the spiritual realm, if you don’t inherit God’s then the only other option is satan’s!! Hellooooo!!! BE NOT DECEIVED!!! Most preachers aren’t telling their congregations that their sins are sending them hell. I didn’t get this revelation from a preacher, it came straight from God himself because I came to a broken place. The preachers aren’t telling you to MORTIFY your flesh, most are lying and deceiving and letting people think that they are saved by grace and that’s it. When the word plainly says if you’re fornicating you will not inherit God’s kingdom. Fornication is a form of idolatry period. When we fornicate it’s not because we don’t know better, but because it’s what WE want over what God says. That clip was spot on and full of truth, FASTING will mortify(kill) the flesh. IT WORKS!!!! I wish I could shout this from the mountaintops because there are so many people who are having sex OUTSIDE of marriage and think it’s okay when IT’S NOT!! Satan has used society to make this abnormal behavior the norm. Our bodies are to be living sacrifices to God. As a believer your body belongs to him. And if you really love him, you WILL OBEY him. I was a fornicator for over 20 years and I’m a living witness that God CAN/WILL change you, if you seek him and obey him. There is a freedom in this new place that I wouldn’t trade for the bondage of sin I lived in for so long. God is good. Seek the him and you will find him!

    1. HB

      YES, YES, YES!! I too had struggled with fornication, masturbation and not wanting to be alone. Up until about 3 years ago, I put an end to it because not only did it cause me so much heartache, it’s SIN! Plain and simple. Over time, I have gotten serious about my walk with Christ and I no longer treat it like a game because my salvation is nothing to toy with and receiving teaching about this not only healed and delivered me, it also put the fear of God in me. I have had to break fellowship with folks who I know for a fact or highly suspect that are still fornicating yet call themselves saved! People know what the Word says about this because it’s plain as day but they are flatly dismissing it thus being reprobate in their behavior! I cannot be a party to that, won’t be a party to that! One, I have cried so many tears over men who didn’t give a rip about me from jump! Two, I came to internalize and really understand why the Lord is against premarital sex and three, I’m the one that has to answer about my obedience to God when it’s all said and done. Yes, it’s difficult and I do get lonely sometimes but I have to trust God because He knows I desire a husband and He is keeping me and making me over so that I can do good to whom He has shown me to all the days of my life! Gotta fight the good fight of faith, particularly with this subject!

  3. Nathaniel

    For anyone who reads this comment and is thinking about having sex before marriage I’m telling you now don’t do it. I have been down the wrong road before and I’m telling you God’s way is the way to go. I am currently in a relationship now. Neither of us had ever done it the Lord’s way before. We were open from the beginning that we were not going to have sex or doing anything rude. We wanted God to be the centre of our relationship and I’m telling you my past relationships have nothing on this one. If you are a TRUE believer I’m tell you now stop doing it the world’s (satan’s) way and do it Gods way.

  4. Naquanna

    These are sad statistics but not surprising. What we’re missing is the fear of God and the desire to obey. You save yourself before marriage because God says so, no matter what the cost and no matter what the reward. It is your reasonable service. We have to get back to not just true biblical teaching in the Church but also discipleship and accountability. Sitting in church every Sunday and saying ‘amen’ is not enough to keep anyone. Your weapons are maintaining a lifestyle of consuming God’s Word and persevering in prayer. We’re just not doing this anymore in the Church and that’s why we see so much sin and brokenness. My heart aches for this next generation.

    1. Anita

      Amen, Naquanna, so true. And so many churches are teaching this “sinner saved by grace” mentality only, which makes people think that they can just do what they want because “they’re a sinner saved by grace.” Whatever happened to teaching about repentance and turning away from sin in today’s churches? Also, like you said, there is absolutely NO accountability anymore, even many pastors are running around doing what they want to do, smh!!

  5. Stan Rogers

    As a Christian I did many things that contradicted the scriptures. I knew I was wrong but I never tried to modify the bible to fit my my agenda. Some of my actions came from false teaching and some from bad choices but at the end of the day I had to examine myself. Once I realized how much Jesus loved me I didn’t want to do those things anymore and repented. In these last days we have a “New Age” Jesus who permits that we do whatever we want, when we want. He doesn’t require repentance and conforms to everything. He is a demon.

    1. Lulu

      Amen! I reject this New Age Jesus Immanual Sananda! I seek the true, living God who will return to place all the powers of darkness in everlasting chains!

      1. Giray

        I think alot of this is the churches responsibility/fault. Only recently I have come across a Christian minister Pat Holliday and she names a spirit that wars against God’s people and keeps many of Gods people from getting married a very biblical article. It made me realize if people got married younger and discipled this would not be such a major issue but when you expect a woman to wait till 5o0 something or indefinately to get married There is a possiblity they will do their own thing. Yes its sin but hope deferred makes the heart sick. I personally myself do not know of a Christian who is married that met their spouses in a godly way Most of the ladies were saved mid twenties saw no ring was forth coming in the church. Tried different relationships found the one had kids and then came back to God.

  6. Giray Nam

    Wow this is an interesting topic. Whereas we all agree with the Bible we are seeing more and more single women well into their 40’s who have been believing God for a husband for years and lived accordingly. When they saw no husband in sight they began to engage in these behavouirs . It doesnt make easier for younger women seeing their peers who are not believers marrying settling down and having children.

  7. Taura Helms

    This is one of the saddest things I have seen so far this year. Is it so hard to meet someone the old fashioned way and do things the old fashioned way? The fact that the site is called Christian Mingle says it all.

    1. Lawanda Rascoe

      Thank God for Heather Lindsey sharing the truth in this article. Those of us who just want to, daily, live right for God simply do so by following HIS WORD/THE HOLY BIBLE, NOT cultures. What is the “purity culture”?…foolishness! I also thank God for Pastor Craige’s teachings. I remember him saying, in the Power of One message, “You don’t need a homosexual ministry in your church, all you need is The Holy Ghost.” That’s right; it’s plain and simple.

  8. Aileen Muniz

    I’ve been living under this truth for four years I’ve had dates that ended because of my values and I’m glad to say that I’m happy being by myself instead of being with someone who is enjoying my body and not my heart I wait on the Lord I know he will bless me with that man of God I’m praying for bless you all

  9. dbm

    Reminds me of Steve Hardy who was invited to tbn and megafest even though he was promoting a book that gave a 90 day waiting period for sex…go figure.

  10. Carl T

    I do believe we live in a culture where we follow what people say. For example they would tell us drink 8 glass of water a day but some of us don’t need and can survive with 8 glasses of water. For example they tell us “no sex before marriage” but where is that in the bible?

    These sound like (Don’t Touch, Don’t Taste, Don’t Handle) Rules. (Colossians 2:20-23 & Colossians 3:1-3) KJV

    Why aren’t Christians just quoting scripture? Hebrews 13:4. Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. KJV

    We need to ask our self where did the word “Sex” come from and what does it mean to us, because the word isn’t in the bible at all.

    He said “I’m the way and the truth and the life no one comes to the father but through me”

    We have to be alert. We can’t clap our hand “if we feel that happiness is (the truth)”

    I do believe there’s nothing new under the sun. “Laying in bed” and “coming into” had a different meaning. In Genesis 19 it was a big issue with Joseph.

    Laying in bed with someone who wasn’t your wife is spoken about in the bible.

    Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour’s wife, to defile thyself with her. ~ Leviticus 18:20 KJV

    I’ve rarely heard anyone preach on uncleaness and the Leviticus Chapter 15. I do believe those passages are still important and that Jesus came to fulfill all that was written.

    We live in a culture where laying in bed with a person is ok. Even laying in bed with pet animals is ok also. I could go on and list shows today and in the pass that support this life style. It’s best to flee all appearance of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:22) KJV

    Also these dating sites like Ashley Madison boast that they cause infidelity between couples. During Mother’s Day and days like Valentines day infidelity is at its highest and people join their websites during these days.

    Paul said “the time is short” (1 Corinthians 7:29) KJV

    Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

    Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

    Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. KJV

    I do encourage you all to get a KJV bible and to read 1 Corinthians 7.

  11. julien

    Disturbing statistics if not surprising as one previous poster wrote. I think one way to help is to not focus on the letter of God’s law, the “thou shalt nots”, but the spirit of the law. Let young people know that God commands purity not because he wants to keep them from having a good time but he is trying to protect them from the consequences of fornication. He does this as any good father would. Sadly people fornicate and have to deal with the scars of those broken emotional and spiritual ties, over and over again. Tell young people to value themselves and protect not just their bodies but their hearts and emotions. Tell them that even if they have fornicated God can wash them and make them new again, and it is never too late. Purity is not easy but the benefits of spiritual and emotional freedom far outweigh the very temporary pleasures of the flesh.

    1. HB

      Amen! The soul ties you speak about is something that is often overlooked if not entirely ignored when it comes to singles engaging in fornication and until more Christian singles (especially women!!) wise up and see that denying ourselves and obeying the Lord in this area is for our emotional and spiritual protection the behavior will continue. People are unequipped to handle the consequences from partaking in sexual immorality yet fool themselves into thinking otherwise. Straddling the fence so to speak between spiritual and secular. Horrible way to live!

  12. Debi

    It is so sad to see how Satan catches Christians in this area. When I was younger I got involved in a relationship with a young Christian who was singing in church. I thought we would have a sinless relationship because we were both serving God but he put such a pressure on me that we started to kiss and masturbate. I never had sex beside these things, in fact I was still a virgin when I got married with the man God sent to me but the practices I did in my first relationship as a teenage open a door to incubus in my life. They used to come and rape me in my dreams. I struggled and cried to God and people prayed for me but it took a very long time for me to recover.
    I always wondered if that man was an occultist because all the servant of God I met did not believe that kissing and watching porn few times could open a door to demons. My dear beloved brothers and sisters, sex outside of marriage open doors to demons, even if the Bible doesn’t say much about this, it is simply true(Gen6). God wants us to give him our entire life and trust him for our needs. I thought that no man on this planet can wait until marriage but I decided to wait upon the Lord. God sent me a man who waited until our wedding day, he never threatened me to leave me and never put any pressure on me. God is faithful! I pray for all the single people. May God give you strength and help you meet the right person in Jesus name.

  13. Jazzi

    This was a great read! I’m a 30 year old woman who has never been married, never been pregnanat and I’m 6 years celibate. I absolutely desire marriage but I’m finding it difficult to meet men who are supposed to be Saved who also desire marriage. As sson as I say no cookies you should see how fast they run! I wonder if more of us were to marry and not marry so late in life after you’ve had so much time to play around would we be able to cut this down.

  14. Velma

    The statistics is wrong.The 11 percent are the true believers in Christ Jesus.The 60 percent are the chaff.The Bible says in Revelations that God will spew out those who are neither cold nor hot.Ask yourself.Where will God spew out the so-called believers?HELL!.Wo.thats quite harsh.No! Jesus came to die for our sins but shall we continue to sin that grace may abound?if you truly love Jesus,you will repent from all evil.God is not condemning us.Jesus said anyone who has not sinned should be the first person to cast a stone against her,and the people left one after the other and He told the adulterer to go and sin no MORE.Glory to God!We have a forgiving Father but He wants us to repent from our evil ways.Our God is a holy God.He wants us to live holy lives.After all going wayward and refusing to repent goes against you the individual.It doesnt reduce God’s glory but He loves us.He has promised a great future of hope and an expected end for us.Lets do the Father’s will and shame the devil.Jesus Loves You precious one.Give your heart fully to Him.Tell the Holy Spirit to guide you through His word and I can assure you that you will stand before Kings and Queens and above all,Jesus and the heavenly host will give you a standing ovation in Heaven.Hallelujah!Jesus Is Lord.

  15. Adrienne

    I waited until I was 22 and then the secular culture took over my brain. Now I don’t really want to stop having sex even though I’m a Christian and active in my church. I don’t think it has damaged me any, because I reserve it for only loving and long-term relationships-when the time is right. I know this view is contrary to the elders of my church. But they never bring up the issue because everybody my age would just leave.

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