Why Are More Christians Willing to Have Sex Before Marriage?

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Why Are More Christians Willing to Have Sex Before Marriage?

By Kenny Luck | Christian Life News

In a recent study conducted by ChristianMingle.com, Christian singles between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The response? Sixty-three percent of the single Christian respondents indicated yes. (Flickr)

In a recent study by ChristianMingle.com, Christian singles between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The response? Sixty-three percent of the single Christian respondents indicated yes. (Flickr)

The guy sitting across from me is a professing and practicing Christian. He drops by my office unannounced today to talk to me about his new online dating life. Specifically, he wants to talk about the over-willingness of Christian women he has encountered on several of his dates who want to jump right from a very public conversation and vanilla latte at Starbucks to very private whispers and physical exchanges between the sheets back at his place.

Usually this gender scenario is reversed, but the sex, love and dating landscape continues to move in a progressively liberal direction among Christians without any solid indicators that it will change anytime soon. Both sexes today, across all ages and Christian demographics, are prone to compartmentalize their faith away from their sexual life.

While Christian singles report praying and church attendance are highly desirable qualities in the dating matrix, a troubling and confusing dichotomy arises when the issue of sex before marriage presents itself. Specifically, single Christians enter a sexual fog. That fog clouds and hides the reality that an identity rooted in Christ should manifest itself in intelligent and hope-filled sexual restraint based on God’s promises and instead replaces it with fear and pride-filled choices based on some other promise they believe more.

In a recent study conducted by ChristianMingle.com, Christian singles between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The response? Sixty-three percent of the single Christian respondents indicated yes. In my 30 years of youth and adult ministry experience, this is as unfiltered, direct and honest as a question and answer can be.

It is equally honest to say that nearly nine out of 10 self-proclaimed single Christians are, in practicesexual atheists. In other words, God has nothing to say to them on that subject of any consequence or, at least, anything meaningful enough to dissuade them from following their own course of conduct. It is the ultimate oxymoron. A person who at once believes in a wise, sovereign and loving God who created them and all things, can also believe simultaneously He should not, cannot or will not inform their thinking or living sexually. It reminds me of those famous red letters in Luke’s Gospel where Jesus says, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46, NIV). There is disconnect between identity and activity.

If you let the paint mentally dry on the statistic above and the perception about God it reflects for a moment, perhaps my contention of sexual atheism won’t seem so far-fetched. No amount of hand-wringing at the many-headed hydra of the entertainment world or raucous deploring of immoral political philosophies invading our nation can explain this one. No, our life in God and for our God reflects our real view of God. These are our adults who populate our weekend services, attend our Bible studies, download our podcast messages, pray often and who have Jesus Culture, TobyMac and Maroon 5 in their playlists. Having tracked this trend among youth for decades, it is no surprise to me that the broad spectrum of single adults—yesterday’s youth—both feel and act this way. We should really make an effort to not be too shocked or surprised.

Jesus Himself said it would trend this way. The apostle Paul forewarned the very single, very godly Timothy that there would be times in his ministry when clear and sound doctrine in Scripture would be defeated by broken culture teaming up with the ever-present and self-serving nature within every Christian. He accurately forecasted a self-styled Christianity that reflected culture over the character of Christ in personal moral spaces and practice.

And nothing, from any frame of reference, is more personal and more moral than our choices regarding sexual expression. It’s where the spiritual rubber really hits the road. But interestingly, Paul’s counsel to Timothy for that time when he saw these trends manifesting on a grand scale was this: “Be serious about everything, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” (2 Tim. 4:5, HCSB). Solid, timely and reliable advice like this was needed then and is really needed now.

As God’s men and women, as fathers and mothers, as pastors and lay ministers and as loving brothers and sisters, we too must keep our heads clear. We must do our work in the midst of this attack on the body of Christ and fulfill our ministries in the midst of this spiritual battle. We must faithfully and directly speak into the relevant spiritual and practical themes that are at the root of the issue instead of wasting our time bemoaning the symptoms these statistics represent. We must graciously but prophetically call out the shortsightedness of Christians who are borrowing trouble sexually and sinning against God and others in the process through our messaging and ministries. We must confront ourselves and our brothers and sisters with the veracity, authority and loving transparency of Scripture, which reflects God’s love and wisdom in life-saving and marriage-saving ways. That is, we must point out the truth that if I am undisciplined sexually before marriage and willing to compromise my convictions before marriage, a wedding ring will not make me disciplined after marriage. But most importantly and practically, we must avail ourselves of the ministries, tools and resources that are speaking into this clearly massive hole of spiritual life and practice among our single brothers and sisters.

The love, sex and dating forecast among adult single believers for the foreseeable future is this: cloudy with a chance of fear and pride. Instead of believing that God knows better, Christian adults will believe they know how to meet their needs better or, on the more arrogant end, that they know better when it comes to sex and dating, period.

To say that professing or self-described Christians are becoming more liberal means that their reference point for assessing and practicing sexuality is more cultural and personal rather than biblical or spiritual. It means that they possess a low view of God and Scripture and a high view of self and culture as the key drivers of their moral and sexual behavior.

Practical sexual atheism among Christians says God can speak into some things but not sex. This ultimate expression of self-deception and loss of mind goes all the way back to the garden, when a certain character asked Adam and Eve: Did God really say that?” They took the bait and, apparently, so are the majority of single Christians in the garden of love, sex and dating. They are listening to the voice that says, “Eat and have your eyes opened.” Like the first couple, God’s single men and women are letting fear win over faith and curiosity win over Christ with inevitable and untold prices to pay.

But it is not a time to act high and mighty. It is time to act graciously but truthfully with our single brothers and sisters. For they, along with us, will have that moment in front of the living Christ, and we want that moment to be the best it can possibly be. To realize such an epic and eternal moment, we not only have to pray for them, but we also have to equip them practically with the best possible teachings and tools that serve to restore a vision of God that transforms them in their context.  We have to engage the culture, not run.


 Power of One

the_power_of_oneThe majority of problems plaguing our society stem from the breakdown of the home. Bad marriages, divorce, and immorality has caused the breakdown of the home and thus created a moral decline in our society. But if we were to make better decisions while being single, we would make better choices when choosing a mate, be in a better place before we say “I do”, and alleviate many of the problems that our society is facing.

The key to changing it all lies in the heart of the single person. When you tap into the power of your oneness as a single, you will change your future and become a better person, spouse, parent, and believer.

In this powerful DVD, G. Craige Lewis gives single believers information that will empower them to be stronger, wiser and make better decisions in their singleness.

This will help single believers become better fit for the Kingdom of God and their future marriages and families. But it all starts with the Power of ONE.—Make A Donation

21 Comments on “Why Are More Christians Willing to Have Sex Before Marriage?”

  1. This article is 100%. Things that are forebidden in the Bible like sex has become the norm. When the Christian community allows people like Steve Harvey (wrote a book about waiting 90 days before having sex) you know there’s a big problem. Many Christians watch programmes like scandal which promote adultery/sex. Listening to music that promotes sex and ungodly relationship. It’s sad

  2. I have been a believer in Christ for 15 years now I am not married and have fore children before I was saved.
    I have fallen myself, however since I continue to confess that The Lord is my shepherd and cry out to him in prayer regarding the spirit of lust, he has healed me. I am still single because I will not marry without my lords blessing.
    I have found out that has the word say’ he who believes, trust and rely on God will be delivered from all in us
    that is not of our Lord. I don’t believe that the people in the recent study are true believers in our Lord. Reason being once you are filled with the Holy Spirit, spirt, of truth it is very hard to continue to have sex knowing that our
    Vessel’s belongs to god as scripture tells us. The word is life and has the power to save us if we so desire to be
    Set free. One other thing I fellowship in a small body we have bible studies every week and we discuss every topic, through this group The Lord has given us strict instruction regarding sex outside of marriage. How can you share the gospel and bring others into the kingdom if you are not practicing what you are preaching.

    1. I had only read some of the article and saw the comments. Firstly would like to express gratitude and thank fullness to EX Ministries. For this article you spoke of facts but also gracious. No true believer ever intends to fall into sin. However, many do. Education and leaders willingness to tackle hard issues with the help of the Holy Spirit will shed God’s light into this area.
      I know some bothers and sisters who were Christians fell into this sin had babies out of wedlock or did not want to wait on God’s timing( which can be difficult I counsel many singles) so got married and they are now the same ones after their return to Christ who are unforgiving and calling out Christians who fall into this sin as being counterfeits.

  3. That is why family values must be introduced to church communities. As a church we need to pray our children and grandbabies get married early. We have situation where our young ones are getting married after 40 I know a 56 year old woman who is still praying. This ought not to be so. In my community we East Indian christian.
    These system of dating from person to person is hardly heard off. If you are seeing someone its with marriage in mind.
    But many of my friends (Black and white) children especially the women whom I know are godly young ladies really struggle I have seen a few get married.
    One of the signs of deceiving spirits is they forbid people from getting married.
    Why do the JEws, Muslims encourage marriage to avoid temptation to have companionship. Proverbs says remember the wife of your youth not your old age. This is a spiritual problem and must be dealt in the spirit. I prayed hard for all my children they were all married by 30.

  4. G. Craige Lewis tells the truth. I have been listening to his teachings since December 2003. Great man of God who has humor, but tells the truth and is helping people.

  5. This was a very well written and profound article. I know of many old acquaintances who grew up in the church with me who have this viewpoint. We all fell into sexual sin and although some married others didn’t and continued to make choices outside of what the bible says. It is a subject that is briefly talked about in church but not emphasized as much as it should and could be.

  6. As usual, your articles are on point and confirmation always seem to come through them. I can recall when I was told I was teaching abstinence and Salvation too much. There were supposed to have been some complaints coming from some of the young ladies in the group and I was temporarily removed from the teaching rotation. Soon afterwards one of the young ladies in that group got pregnant at the age of 17.

    We have got to keep the word coming on this and other issues affecting the body of Christ. People are going to say you’re (we’re) judging them. But the word of God MUST go forth and not be compromised under any circumstances.

    Thanks for bringing the truth to the masses!

  7. This Word is one of THE MOST NECESSARY MESSAGES FOR TODAY. IT IS the Garden of Eden being replayed before our eyes. Bless you for Speaking Boldly to Believers of TODAY!!

  8. “Unbelieving believers”, a term/phrase I first heard of while listening to the EXCast with Pastor Lewis and Apostle Paul Sherrill…seems to answer the title of this article. It’s really sad and terrible, the number of people I know of or see everyday who claim salvation but have not (according to their fruit) been born again. In this day, I am constantly reminded of the first answer Jesus gave to the disicples when asked about the signs of His coming and the end of the world (Matthew 24:3-4). “Take heed that no man deceive you.” That’s the first thing Jesus said, and it helps me be more vigilant, studious, and encouraged from day to day. Some family members and classmates were “shacking” before marriage and still confessing salvation, but I will not be persuaded by new age philosophy. I am thanking God for my singleness at this time, and preparing for a Godly marriage not a “lustful union” that can be put asunder. Thank you Pastor Lewis, for The Power of One dvd (The Word of God producing true change joined with pure comedy):-)

  9. When was i pagan i knew it was wrong ( matter of conscience… i think ) to do that before marriage and that was very clear ! Now i am Christian, i read the Bible and everything is even more clear !

    Some so called “christians” want to live their own life without God. That’s hypocrisy ! If you believe in Jesus you are supposed to do what He said! if you don’t want to follow Him you are not his disciple that’s clear ! The word of God is for your own good !

  10. 2 Peter Chapter 2 verse 22 :” But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire “

  11. The evil spirit of Asmodeus,lust i,ncubus and sucbus. Trying to be like the world we need more true men and women of God this would not even be an issue.
    Church better wake up!

    1. This is a quote from Pat Holliday Christians need to address problems single and married Christians have at the root
      :Researchers have pointed out that Asmodeus has many characteristics — some that even sound beneficial. On the one hand he is jealous, filled with rage, lustful and given to extreme excesses. On the other, he loves to have a good time, is sympathetic and is very religious. Early church history points him out as the one that desired to possess young women in Christian service, to make them lustful and to destroy them and their work.
      It has been said that this spirit drove Solomon to all of his excesses. In his last years he missed the mark, allowing himself to open up to wrong spirits. That example alone should prove that none of us are above falling or missing it, even after years of Christian service or ministry. The Scripture tells us that the “devil goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.” It is necessary for us to be on guard at all times against the devil’s tactics.
      Because Asmodeus is also a lustful spirit he will motivate a marriage partner to be unfaithful, thus bringing in an adulterous spirit. Many marriages have been destroyed because of adultery, extreme jealousy, rage and physical abuse. Remember that men as well as women can be affected by Asmodeus
      Satan is trying to prevent marriages from taking place or is trying to break up existing, longstanding relationships.

      Because marriage is a sacred institution and is holy before God it has great significance in the spirit realm. The marriage ceremony speaks of a day when the ultimate wedding will take place — the wedding between God’s Son and His Bride. This is the reason satan is doing everything he can to prevent any marriage from taking place.

  12. “It is an unfortunate commentary, but we are living in a day when the saving message of Jesus Christ is being lost in our churches. Replacing it is a new set of concerned that are quick to speak of God’s love, mercy and grace, but are slow to take up the implications of His holiness, judgement and wrath. Being disturbingly silent on the significant issues of sin and judgement to come, much contemporary evangelism is producing a bumper-crop of unregenerate believers.” foreword by Dr. John Barber in “God has a wonderful plan for your life” by Ray Comfort

  13. These are not true believers. They just love the sunday church thing but their harts are far from JESUS.
    To many still belief in lies like GOD LOVES ALL or God loves the sinner but hates sin;
    “The LORD loveth the righteous.” (Psalms 146:8)
    “He loveth him that followeth after righteousness.” (Proverbs 15:9)
    “I love them that love Me.” (Proverbs 8:17)
    This proofs what the effect is when we do not rebuke anymore.
    We just use the most popular slogan “DON’T DJUDGE”!

  14. The problem with the mindset of the modern Christian is the fact that MOST are being misinformed! The western Church is definitely not addressing the issue of fornication, adultery or lust. To be honest they are not addressing the issue of sin at all. The church has so merged with the world to accept the lifestyle of the world’s system and it’s ways, it’s no wonder single “christians” think premarital sex is normal and okay. If more people would get in their bibles and work out their own salvation like it says and stop waiting on their pastors,preachers, and bishops to give them a “word” they would know that just like a NON BELIEVER a fornicator WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD, that translates to you’ll go to hell for those who are wondering. If you don’t believe it just read 1 Corinthians 6:9. The bible says we are to have dominion over the sin nature. Which means to STOP sinning!!! Most people reading this have been lied to and told, it’s okay to sin because no one is perfect and God’s grace covers that stuff up. When the word actually says quite the opposite. If you don’t believe me, search the scriptures for yourself!! If you know you’re sinning whether it be fornication,lying,stealing,whatever and you go to church Sunday after Sunday and your preacher isn’t saying anything to make you feel uncomfortable in that sin, you’re in the wrong church!! Fornication is a form of idolatry, God’s word clearly says DON’T DO IT, if you know that it’s wrong and you still go forward you have just told the Lord your desire for pleasure is more important than His word. He said place NO OTHER god before Him!! I pray this message convicts at least one person and causes them to do a self evaluation if they’re walking in the degradation of fornication. Start with repentance and ask God to create a pure hear and a right spirit within you. Get in a church where the truth is coming forth, and get serious about your walk with God. We will ALL stand before Him one day and have to be held accountable for the deeds done in these bodies. Are you ready?

  15. The church needs to look after its own. If we look at symptoms without looking at the root causes this will/can continue. I personally do not believe every statistic the world spins.
    Firstly when people get saved they also need to be rooted grounded in Christ and their issues addressed in a loving but godly environment.
    The leadership pastors,deacons who are married need to speak to the singles and pray for them.
    I was having a debate with a single who had all but given up on waiting and seeking God for a mate She wanted to go into the world because in the singles own words” I want to get married and have children all my friends who slept around are married and settled whilst i am just bridesmaid im tired of being mocked. ” i encouraged her to hold on but I also secretly felt sorry for her. Pushing 40 sweet nice and pretty girl it would have to hurt. I know she is seeing someone but I hope she is following Jesus Christs leading. So for some holier than thou christians on here have compassion and pray for the weak. Godly older men and women need to play matchmaker encourage the youth

  16. Parents please pray for your children to get married young. When they get into their 40’s 50’s temptation, watching other people marry and have children seeing leadership married may cause depression which can lead to adultery, fornication. It is very easy to judge and claim they are not true Christians but the Bible says we should guard our hearts. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

    I do know some men and women that come into church are just seeking sex but either way if we pray for our children to be blessed with a mate so they do not have baggage, spiritually transmitted demons/diseases. break curses that may be keeping singles from marrying

    This subject should not even be an issue. Remember even under the Law the Isrealites were married.

  17. Single Christians don’t give up many sites such as true love waits, pinky promise to encourage you to wait on Lord . Many you tube channels with young married couple pray and maybe go on a fast ask God to show you your partner. But start doing it young older will be harder and we can’t do much for 40 plus but the younger ones we can try break spirits stopping you marrying and remember marriage is not a cure all for all your weakness. So if you have a problem with porn stop because this can be the undoing of your marriage GOD BLESS EX MINISTRIES.

    1. To all those still waiting just to encourage you with permission of EX ministries please pray and seek God always for yourself dont depend on other people. 2) Ex ministries for a long time now have been sounding the alarm for ‘certain leaders’ in the house of the lord this is why some of u arent married quit following after man and start following after God. Some mothers Monday to Sunday your in church singles too when you aren’t working maybe God wants you to meet your mate in another church or another way. Only advice is SEEK GOD buy Power of One Dvd and remember:

      Who says u can’t marry; to every adam there is eve, to every patrick there is patricia, to every Emmanuel there is Emmanuela, to every paul there is paulina, to every Joseph there is Josephine, to every judge there is Julian. There is a man or a woman for your match. Wedding will hold IN JESUS NAME

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